Growing Pains/Merlin 7
Just a little ficlet about Jesse. PG rating. May be archived anywhere. I don't own the characters, but I love playing with them.
"I can't read him anymore," Emma said, her tone sad.
Shalimar looked at her friend in surprise. "What do you mean?" she asked.
Emma sighed. "Jesse has shut me out," she explained. "Somehow he's put up mental blocks...shields...and I can't get past them."
"I didn't know he could do that," Shalimar said.
"Neither did I," Emma admitted. "But Jesse has always been full of surprises."
Shalimar nodded, then reached out to pat Emma's shoulder. "It's not just you," she said gently. "I can't read him anymore either. He's becoming a stranger to me."
Emma felt sadness wash over her. "He's slipping away from us, Shal. From all of us."
"I know," Shalimar whispered. "And I don't know how to stop it." She felt a tear slide down her cheek and she wiped it away with the back of one hand.
*****
Brennan watched Jesse for a time, watched the way slim fingers moved like a blur over the keyboard. Lately Jesse seemed to spend all of his time on the computer. He was always updating something, or programming, or whatever. "Want to catch a flick?" Brennan asked, finally walking over.
Jesse shook his head. "No thanks. I'm working on something."
"What's up, Jess?" Brennan countered, moving in close then leaning in until the younger man looked up at him.
"What do you mean?" Jesse asked, his tone neutral.
Brennan sighed and ran a hand through his hair, wishing he could put his thoughts into words, but he wasn't sure how to say what he was feeling. "You're pushing everyone away, Jess. All of us. You keep to yourself whenver we're not on a mission, and even then it's like you keep your distance."
Jesse dropped his gaze back to the computer screen, but he wasn't really focused on it. He knew that he would have to face everyone eventually, he just wished it didn't have to be now. But he might as well get it over with. "I'm thinking of leaving," Jesse blurted out.
"What?" Brennan was stunned. "You can't be serious!" he shot back.
"But I am," Jesse replied. "I don't feel like I fit in here, Brennan. Never have...probably never will."
Brennan glared at Jesse. "That's bullshit and you know it. You're part of the team, Jesse. We need you."
Jesse wanted to believe that, but he shook his head. "Adam can find a replacement easily. In fact, I've created a file with over a dozen candidates for him to choose from. If he wants."
"You can't leave, Jesse," Brennan countered. "Where would you go? What would you do?"
"I don't know," Jesse admitted. "Somewhere else, anywhere else. And I'm pretty sure I can get a job in the computer field. I have all the qualifications to be a computer geek."
Brennan resisted the urge to grab Jesse, yank him out of the chair and shake some sense into him. "You can't go," he stated, as if that settled it.
Jesse didn't have the will to argue. "I have work to finish," he said softly, pointedly.
"I'm telling Adam," Brennan warned, before stalking off.
"Thank you," Jesse whispered, when Brennan was gone. He hadn't wanted to be the one to do so. And now he had time to finish things up before the others all dumped on him. There was nothing anyone could say to change his mind. But he knew they were going to try.
*****
Two hours later they swarmed Jesse when he passed by the Serenity Gardens on his way to bed. Two hours after that they were all out of ammunition. There was nothing more they could say. He had fielded all of their arguments, yet he knew they weren't ready to give up or give in. So Jesse waited for the right moment and Shalimar offered it to him.
"This is your home, Jesse," she whispered to him. "We're your family. Can you really just walk away from us?"
"I love you, Shal," Jesse replied, reaching out to brush a tear off her face. "You know more about me than anyone. You know about my past and what brought me to Mutant X in the first place. I've spent the past four years...hiding out. I don't want to hide anymore, Shalimar. I wanted to believe that I stayed because it was the right thing to do. But the real reason why I stayed was because I didn't have anywhere else to go."
Shalimar understood what Jesse was saying, but she didn't to leave. "I need you," she said bluntly, playing on his love for her.
Jesse smiled through his own tears. "No you don't," he whispered. "And now it's time for me to prove that I don't need you anymore either."
"I'm the reason you're leaving," Adam interjecting, moving to stand before Jesse. And for the first time he realized that he was staring at a young man, and not the young boy who had come to him four years ago. Lost and alone and afraid of himself and the big bad world around him.
"Part of it," Jesse allowed, locking eyes with Adam. "I spent four years wanting and needing things from you, Adam. Things you can't give me."
Adam winced then heaved a small sigh. "It's never been about pity, Jesse. I love you like a son. You know that."
Jesse nodded. "I know that we're all your children, Adam. You created us. But it's time for me to control my own fate."
"I'll miss you," Emma said, before Adam could respond. She moved to Jesse and hugged him.
"I'll miss you too," he replied, hugging her back, then he looked at everyone and whispered, "All of you." With that Jesse pulled back then walked away. It was time to go.
Brennan wasn't ready to make it easy. He made to go after Jesse only to stop when he felt a hand on his arm. He turned to see Shalimar smiling at him. "We can't let him go!" Brennan hissed.
Shalimar nodded, smiling through her tears. "Yes..we can," she said softly. She squeezed Brennan's arm then whispered, "He'll be back."
*****
Adam knew he was going to die. What was almost ironic about it was that the mundane manner in which his death would occur. Nothing heroic, just a simple car hurtling towards him. Nothing Mutant or mission related either. Just good old fashioned twist of fate. Adam closed his eyes, willing his body to move out of the way, even as he knew it was already too late. So he waited for impact, but it never came. He heard the sound of metal screeching and the bang of impact, but there was no pain. Opening his eyes, Adam stared at the sight before him. The car sitting three feet away with a crumpled hood, and figure demassing before him. "Jesse..." Adam whispered.
"I was in the neighborhood.." Jesse began, then he shook his head. "Adam..."
"Let's go home," Adam interjected, draping an arm over Jesse's shoulder.
Jesse hesitated a moment, then nodded. "Home," he echoed, and for the first time in his life, it felt right. Like a reality instead of a boyhood dream.
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